Kevin Everett Update

5th Degree Burn cannot confirm this source but News 12 Buffalo had this update on Kevin Everett's condition:

Bills Quaterback Goes Through Name Change

Sunday afternoon, Buffalo Bills quarterback J.P. Losman went down with what looked to be a season-ending knee injury. After an MRI on Monday, tests revealed it was merely a sprained knee and that Losman will only miss a couple games. Upon hearing the good news Losman allegedly has legally changed his name from Losman to Winman. "I'm really not proud of the losing culture here in Buffalo. I feel this has been brought on mainly by me and my last name. With the upswing of the good news on my injury, I feel it is time to turn the page in my career and the legacy of the Buffalo Bills," read Winman from a statement he prepared on Tuesday morning. 5th Degree Burn surveyed the Bills locker room with the question, "What made Losman change his name?" 95% of the players answered that "He went to jail and converted to Islam." When asked to comment on the effect his will have on his team, Head Coach Dick Jauron said, "I don't think it really means anything. It just sounds like he's a Jew now."

David Carr Strikes Again

David Carr stalks us. We received a copy of this letter at our Madison, Salt Lake City, and Mexico City offices:

"Dear 5th Degree Burn,
What the hell? You left me off the poll again. I have a huge 'thing'. You need to show me more respect. You saw how I came in the end of the game against Atlanta and won it for us. I was in there only a couple plays but that was me that handed it off for the game winning play. Me and DeShawn have great hand off chemistry and I really need the gloves to keep a good grip on it. These gloves are the best thing that have happened to me in years. Looks like I might start next week. Chalk up a win for the good guys. You better not leave me off the poll next week or I'll come after you. Bridezillas is on, I gotta go I love that show.
Carolina Comeback King,
David Carr"

It's a Tie!! - Rah

According to 5th Degree Burn's last poll Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo and Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Herm Edwards both received 30% of the votes for the NFL's most homosexual. Others receiving votes were Peyton Manning, Rex Grossman, as well as Reggie Bush. Tune in next week when 5th Degree Burn asks "Which NFL Quarterback has the biggest 'Thing'?"

Notre Dame Groundskeeper Using New Techniques

Have you seen the grass at Notre Dame Stadium late? It's beautiful and plush to say the least. Lenny Perkins, the Head Groundskeeper at the stadium told 5th Degree Burn he gets asked hundreds of times a day, "How is your grass so thick and green?" Perkins merely replies, "Have you seen the team play lately?" What does this have to do with anything you might ask. Well Perkins let 5th Degree Burn in on the secret. The team is such crap they provide the fertilizer for the grass to bloom even in a summer when water has been limited due to midwestern draught. When given a draft of this article, as 5th Degree Burn does with all its subjects, Perkins commented, "Man, that's a hell of a picture. Not only is #40 trying to make a goaline tackle in that romp to make the team 0-4 but he's also helping the grass out."

Gaming Company Releases New Baseball Inspired Game

Milton Bradley, the board game company, has announced plans to release a new board game inspired by the frequent blow-ups in Major League Baseball and several minor leaguers and managers. When approached by 5th Degree Burn, Milton Bradley would not comment on the content of the game but offered the following statement, "With yesterday's blow-up by Milton Bradley and the recent record by for ejections by Bobby Cox, we feel that the time is right for us to announce this game which is still in development." The incident Milton Bradley commented on happened yesterday in San Diego. Padres outfielder and hot head Milton Bradley was unhappy with the first-base umpire and decided to let him know. While being held back by a coach Bradley slipped and tore his ACL. He will be out for the rest of the season for the Padres who are in the heat of a playoff race. 5th Degree Burn has obtained a private company document in which it states that the game will be called "Loose Canon: Getting Throw Out in More Ways Than One" and will consist of players being faced with certain bad calls and having to escalate the situation to be ejected for hitting certain "hot" topics. When asked to comment on the game Milton Bradley, the player, simply replied, "F*ck you."

Romo Continues to Deliver as Henry racks up 2 INT's/ TD - Lawnmower

The team from Big D whipped up on the franchise with the big-time D on Sunday night. By embarrassing the battered Bears, the Cowboys offered a powerful statement about which team could supplant the Super Bowl XLI runners-up as the NFC's representative in Arizona this season.

Oh, and Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo continued to deliver this loud and potentially lucrative message to owner Jerry Jones, as well: Time to quit dawdling, Jerry, and reward the fifth-year veteran with a long-term contract extension. Perhaps drawn down to the level of the pathetic Chicago offense in the first half, the high-powered Dallas attack sleepwalked through the opening 30 minutes, with eight penalties, a turnover and countless mental lapses that led to a 3-3 score at halftime. But once Romo and the Cowboys woke up, it was lights-out for the Bears. As Dallas took control of the game on both sides of the line of scrimmage, Romo began shredding the Chicago defense. He hit 13 of 18 passes for 189 yards and two touchdowns, in the process compiling a gaudy 146.5 passer rating for the half. For the game, he was 22-for-35 for 329 yards.

Upside: Dallas is 3-0 since the 1999, Owens has been exceptionally happy, and who ever though that Anthony Henry would be leading the league with an astonishing 4 interceptions and 1 Td in 3 games.

Downside: Flozel cost the Cowboys 3 penalties, his 7th of the year. This is not acceptable from a lineman who only had a total of 5 penalties in the 2006 season, J.Jones has been receiving to much playing time, and Marion Barber hasn't had a concussion or steroid problem, yet. Barber said "I used to bang my head against the wall because I had this rage in me. Now, I grew my hair out on purpose so when I come in contact with a defensive player, my helmet pop's off and they'll get all dreadlocks and a black forehead."


Coming soon Cowboys vs. Rams preview

Donnovan McNabb Comes Out of the Closet with a Bang - Rah

Donnovan McNabb celebrated his homosexual coming out this Sunday by making his team wear these horrendously bright colored jerseys(pictured right). The team was very reluctant to wear the jerseys at first, defensive end Jevon Kearse stated "I know McNabb's gay, but why do I have to look like damn fool?" The rest of the team had similar attitudes about the jersey's with the exception of wide receiver Kevin Curtis he tells 5th Degree Burn that he enjoyed them... "I like them, they feel so good against my body." There has been a lot of speculation about Curtis and McNabb ever since this off season acquirement came to the eagles. Not too long afterwards they were spotted at several gay bars in the city of brotherly love. If you ask me their 3 TD connection on Sunday was just disgusting to watch.

Mashhood Spotted

The question, "Wheres Mashhood"? or MASHHOOOD? This has finally been answered, we caught up with the h-town native in New York about 2 months ago, but now we have lost him again. At that time he was finding his shoes. His friend Bilal, sawal, was with him as well but was not captured in the photo above.

Next time you are with a friend, as them if they know where mashhood and his shoes are? We love this boy but my shoes where are you?

Update: No sign of Sawal, jamal.

David Carr Responds to 5th Degree Burn

5thdegreeburn.blogspot.com received an angry letter from David Carr in our Vancouver office yesterday. The letter read:
"Dear 5th Degree Burn,
Hi. This is David Carr, backup quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. I am very offended by my omission from this week's poll of most homosexual NFL player. Add this to the disrepect of not putting me on the top 10 list of things that look worse than Notre Dame and I'm pretty irrate. I don't want to have to mess my hair up and take my white gloves off, but believe me I will fly to Vancouver, Fort Collins, Des Moises, or any of your other offices to give you a piece of my mind. My status as a backup should not affect your judgement and leave me off those lists. At any rate, I'm a big fan. I would write more but I just bought Season 2 of Queer As Folk and I'm hooked.
Your BFF,
David Carr"

In Reference to Tariq's new State.

VT is the correct abbreviation for Tariq only. Since the VT shootings, I have always said Tariq is going to be living in "VT" (Actually Virgina for people who don't understand). Obviously, VT is Vermont; this was an inside joke.

Myth Debunked

The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority is being sued by OJ Simpson for their false claim that "What Happens In Vegas Stays in Vegas". Hearing the news the LVCVA has temporarily removed the advertisement and replaced it with "What Happens In Vegas Stays in Vegas (unless it's aggrevated robbery...excuse us, self-fufilling, recapturing of goods at gun point)."

Shifayet is back and Julie is in Jail

When I decided to go to the Halaqa on Friday I never thought that french fries would be there, 10lbs lighter. I heard over the week that he played basketball with Nabile and they were actually close friends. Well, I saw Nabile and asked him right away as I entered the UTC, I heard shifayet is a friend of yours, is he back? Nabile responded by saying, yeah he is right behind you.

At that moment, I was stunned. Shifayet smiled and said "Hey whats up" in a very rough voice. I didn't know what to say, after all the french fries, abuse, and crap we discussed about him on facebook. Was he here to get revenge and shoot us all? That was lingering over my head for about an hour. I started to talk with him and ended up sitting next to him as we broke our fast. At the same time Riyaz kept telling me about Coleman and how he brought home a dog today.

I didn't know who to express my feelings to, since no one was there to understand what I was going through. Sawal wasn't there and Mashhood was moving to VT. He asked me if we play basketball and where everyone was. I went ahead and told him that Bengali was in Houston, Tariq moved to VT, and me and rah were still here. He then said, "Tariq went to VT? Man that was my boy." Afterwards, I asked him if he has ever talked to Bengali, which he replied no. So I went and ahead and volunteered to give him his cell phone number.


Now, lets analyze some things: He said that he is suing the state for racial profiling, Julie was in jail, and he came back to UT. What's worse is, he probably knows about my life because of Facebook and I will probably be shot in the next 2 weeks. He wants to play ball and this is where I believe I may be shot, on the court. Whats bizarre is, his first week back he ended up going to a Halaqa. That honestly leaves a lot of question marks.

By the way, rah and I have rearranged my room, I'll take pictures and post them on the blog and Walter stopped by our apartment complex and told us our next door neighbor is gay and just came from pakistan. I called APD friday night because he was being gay.

Reports from Denver Implicate Shanahan

With the recent controversy surrounding the suspension of Cowboys Quarterbacks Coach Wade Wilson, the NFL has begun testing all NFL coaches for steroids. The initial crop of coaches who were tested came from the AFC West. 5th Degree Burn has obtained a copy of a memo addressed to Mike Shanahan, Head Coach of the Denver Broncos. In this memo it was confirmed that Shanahan's DNA exactly mirrors that of an Oompa Loompa, something 5th Degree Burn has speculated for years. The Denver Broncos and Shanahan refused to comment on the matter publicly but 5th Degree Burn IMed Quaterback Jay Cutler (AIM screenname: JYCUT6) and he gave the following response, "Well I never have seen a Coach Shanahan and an Oompa Loompa in the same place at the same time." After further research, a suspicious reference appeared on Shanahan's resume which was submitted to Coach Dan Reeves for an opening at an assistant position in the 1980's. The reference was for Mel Stuart, Director of the original Charlie and Chocolate Factory. When asked if the NFL would take action against Shanahan, Commissioner Goodell released this statement: "The NFL does not discriminate upon race, ethnicity, or species. With that being said, I will withhold my right to spend Shanahan until further evidence is received by my office. This case is not closed just yet."

10 Things that Look Better than Notre Dame...but Just Barely - Rah

10. Michigan





9. Tariq




8. Sue Johanson




7. Kansas City Chiefs




6. Jerry Jones Papa John's Commercial


(click on link above to play commercial)


5. Joe Thiesman Injury




4. The Rio Grande Valley




3. The "Costanza"



2. A Piece of Crap

1. Charlie Weiss's Body

LJ's New Rap Dissing Priest: T-Money

"Can I come back, can I come back?" the rap says. "And if you don't pay my money, I ain't never coming back. So f--- that."

Decoration Company Strikes Deal With Jets

Riding the recent media buzz around Jets fans booing QB Chad Pennington, Halloween decoration company Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd. announced Monday that they have teamed up with the NFL franchise to release a limited edition ghost decoration. The Jets starting QB Pennington went down in Sunday's game at Giants Stadium against the Patriots after having his ankle rolled as he was being sacked by Jarvis Green. Pennington hobbled off the field in pain, in order for his team to not have to waste an injury timeout. This heroic move left second year player Kellen Clemens to finish the drive. Jets fans cheered as the much revered Clemens came on to the field and repeatedly booed starter Pennington throughout the game. A spokesperson for Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd. released the following statement: "We do not condone fans cheering their players to get injured; however, we could not pass on the great marketing opportunity they gave our company. We are happy to be affiliated with the Jets." 5th Degree Burn reached Pennington after his MRI on Monday for comments about the announcement. Pennington said, "Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd.? Don't they only make Christmas decorations? At any rate, we won't have that hanging in front of the Pennington household come October 31st."

Bush's Ex Speaks

5thdegreeburn.blogspot.com has received a police report from San Bernadino, CA that gives a closer look into the bedroom of NFL poster boy and former USC Trojan Reggie Bush. The report, filed by Tom Barron, claims that his neighbor Tamika Shaw, a former girlfriend of Bush, repeatedly yelled "You never could find the hole!" on Thursday night. When police served Shaw with a disturbing the peace charge Shaw claimed that she was only watching the NFL opener on NBC, a thumping of the Saints by the Colts 41-10. In 5th Degree Burn's attempts to contact Shaw the only response was this statement released by her attorney: "It is known around the USC campus that Reggie can't find a hole for his life. Ms. Shaw has no qualms with this implication of Mr. Bush given his propensity to 'miss' and leave my client sitting on a donut for days."

Report: New England Spying on Opponents Signal Calling and Tom Brady has kid with Oprah - Ek Lardki

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has determined that the New England Patriots violated league rules Sunday when they videotaped defensive signals by the New York Jets coaches, according to league sources.

NFL security officials confiscated a camera and videotape from Patriots video assistant Matt Estrella on the New England sidelines when it was suspected he was recording the Jets' defensive signals. Sources say the visual evidence confirmed the suspicion.

Goodell is considering severe sanctions, including the possibility of docking the Patriots multiple draft picks because it is the competitive violation in the wake of a stern warning to all teams since he became commissioner, the sources said. The Patriots have been suspected in previous incidents.

The Patriots will be allowed an opportunity to present their case by Friday, sources said, most likely via the telephone.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said on Tuesday that no official decision has been made and that the club has not been notified.

The league also was reviewing a possible violation into the number of radio frequencies the Patriots were using during Sunday's game, sources said. The team did not have a satisfactory explanation when asked about possible irregularities in its communication setup during the game.

Goodell is expected to have a decision no later than Friday but that is not set in stone.

In other news, Tom Brady had his second child with another women. This time it wasn't a model, Oprah was the new mother. "It wasn't planned and now I have a black child and a white child. Many people have told me to put the white child up for adoption." When asked why not care for both new borns? "One child is hard enough to deal with and I rather stick with a child that has a future in sports than raise a child who has not future."

The Patriots already have enough problems with the NFL and now they will be faced with Brady's racist remarks that had Randy Moss furious after practice. One witness said that Moss couldn't control his anger so he went to his car and lighted up a "Joint".

Thats it from Patriots camp, we'll be back next week when we talk with head coach Bill Belichick and how the NFL has accused him of spying on Peyton Manning as he was showering during training camp. Why would Bill go to Indiana and spy on Peyton, in the shower? This team has many legal troubles heading their way folks.

University of Michigan Student Transfers due to Dismal Beginning of '07 Football Season -Rah

A 20 year old sophomore, who chose to remain anonymous, at the University of Michigan decided to transfer schools on Saturday following the loss to unranked Oregon. This loss marks the second consecutive loss to unranked teams for Michigan causing them to start the season 0-2. Realizing that he would have to give up one academic year he was quoted as saying "It's worth it." He was also quoted as saying "I'm so embarrassed....How am I supposed to trust my professors and my education when I can't trust my football team?" The 20 year old sophomore proceeded to tell reporters that he dropped all of his classes as well burn all of his Michigan memorabilia.

Upon hearing this news star RB Mike Hart stated "I don't blame him." Senior QB Chad Henne said "If I didn't suck and fake injuries I'd transfer too." This event is spawning a revolution across the nation. Populations of schools that under perform in college football games is decreasing quickly. When asked which school this pioneer is transferring to he stated "I have a couple of different options, but right now I'm looking at Notre Dame and Florida St."

Where Does Andy Roddick Go From Here? -Rah

American tennis fans looked around and collectively shrugged their shoulders last night after Roger Federer def. Andy Roddick (7-6) (7-6) (7-2) in the quarterfinals of the U.S Open. Roddick has now lost 14 of his 15 matches against Federer. Andy almost played the first two sets to perfection, but almost perfection is not good enough when facing Roger Federer. The only break points that were won did not occur until the final set, Federer broke Roddick twice, but the match was effectively over by that point. Although Roddick put up his best effort in a Federer match by far, and although he took him to two tiebreaks to open the match you never got the feeling that Roddick was in control. The stats may tell a different story Federer dominated this match. Andy had his chance to break Federer and take a commanding 5-3 lead in the 2^nd set, however he failed to do so as Roger reeled off an amazing forehand winner followed by an ace.

Roger Federer will move on to face Davydenko in the semi-finals as well as go on to solidify the argument that he is best tennis player of all time. But where does Andy Roddick go from here? He played the best tennis he’s played in a long time and failed to win a set against his nemesis. To be completely dominated by a single player in Grand Slam competition for the majority of your career has to take it’s toll. Will he ever get this monkey off his back? What left can he do to prepare for his next match with him? He is ranked #5 in the world and has been ranked as high as #2, but the gap that Federer has created between himself and the rest of the tennis world is increasing.

Ahmed's NFL Predictions

Since I think schedule is the most important thing in the NFL, I printed out the entire NFL schedule and picked my winners for every game. This is how it came out.

NFC East Champ: Dallas

Boasting the best defensive coordinator in the business as a head coach, this team is ready to take it to another level. The season rests on the shoulders of Tony Romo, but I think he'll pretty well with all the weapons he has around him. The Cowboys will feel a push from the Redskins this year. It may seem unlikely given the horrid season they had last year, but with Jason Campbell starting his first full season and a young blossoming secondary I can see them making moves. The Eagles will be shaky on Donovan's still injured knee and some shaky offseason defensive moves, I don't see them being about .500. The Giants will be terrible. Their offense is in shamble. They hate their coach. Former players talk about them, the GM talks about former players. Their secondary is horrible. I don't know what else to say.

NFC South Champ: Carolina

Carolina is the best of the worst here. This division is medicore at best. Carolina will be interesting if Delhomme doesn't play well early. Will David Carr get some clock? The running back situation is questionable. Can DeAngelo step it up? The defense will be pretty good as usual. I don't see New Orleans doing that well this year. Much like other teams that make a splash (ie, Chargers 2004) their record was better than they really were. Now they have to play all the other division winners and their record will plumit. Their offense is good but their defense is very bad. They picked up Cincy's safety and he will start for them. That's a bad sign. Atlanta will have a good year. Bobby Petrino will make Joey Harrington live up to his potential (he didn't play bad last year). Tampa Bay is horrible. Gruden will be out of a job soon.

NFC West Champ: St Louis

I'm not as hot as most people on this division. Yes, it will be highly contested. No, none of these teams will be a contender. St. Louis has a good offense, I'll give them that. I'm a little worried about Holt's injury because it seems like it can linger. I don't think Drew Bennett or McMichael really make them much better. Brian Leonard is an interesting fit however. The defense is still atrocious. I still don't trust San Fransisco. They put themselves on the map by playing crappy teams in their division tough. Alex and Frank need to prove that they can keep up their progression. Their defense however is improving with lots of good, young players. Seattle does not look good to me. They seem like they're fading. The defense looks good on paper but they're so-so when you watch. The offensive line is falling apart and so is Shaun. They'll be okay but not a playoff team in my book. The other teams in the division will actually beat them a couple games that last year went close. Arizona is an enigma to me. I could see them over .500 or with 4 wins. The offense will be great. The defense is the key. They have some really good players but absolutely no depth.

NFC North Champ: Chicago

I'm not impressed by them. I think people will figure out their weaknesses on defense. Tommie Harris has to come back strong or they will faulter. The rest of the division is terrible. Green Bay sucks, Minnesota sucks (their defense is pretty good though), and Detroit is horrific. Nothing more to say.

NFC Wild Cards: Washington, Atlanta

NFC Champ: Dallas

AFC East Champ: New York Jets

I don't see why people are so high on the Patriots. Their defense is just one year older. Who heard of Adalius Thomas before last year? That's what happens in contract years. People come from no where. Their offense was already good last year. Moss and Stallworth are questionable and so is Welker. Yeah, they could be really good, but far from a sure thing. Plus, the Pats have a very difficult schedule this year and the Jets don't. The Jets will add a running game to a team that was on the rise last year. They're coached well and they have an easy schedule to boast. I think it will be a very close race for the division with the Jets taking it. I'm a little uneasy on Pennington after the preseason though. I really don't see Miami doing anything. They're just getting older. No other improvements to be seen. Cameron isn't the answer. He used Norv Turner's system in San Diego and had questionable moves (LT really didn't get the ball that much the past 2 years). Buffalo will suck. They lost the 2 best players on the team (Spikes and McGahee). I don't like Marshawn Lynch, I don't know why (yes, I do: he's a Pac-10 player), but he won't have as good of a year as people expect.

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis

The AFC South can't compete with Peyton and company. They just can't. They have the exact same team that won the Superbowl with an extra reciever. Moving on, I don't know what to say about Tennessse, Houston, or Jacksonville. I can see all being horrible and all being decent. Jacksonville has a good defense but their offense makes me uneasy. Houston has a young defense that I think will make moves this year. Schaub is gonna upgrade the offense significantly, but why Ahman Green? Why? At Tennessee, Vince will improve by leaps and bounds, but they haven't done anything to help him. I feel sorry for him.

AFC North Champ: Baltimore

The best division in football. Cleveland will suck. I'll just say that now so I don't have to say it later. I'm guessing Dallas will have the #4 pick in the 2008 draft. Pittsburgh will be better. I'm kinda weery about the coaching but I think the players are good enough to make them competitive again. Cincinnati and Baltimore will both have some of the best records in the league. I can see Baltimore making huge strides. They were already good. Adalius Thomas' loss doesn't mean much to me but the addition of McGahee is enormous. Lewis sucked last year. McGahee will be a big upgrade. Cincinnati's offense will be great again. Who cares about defense? They'll be like the Colts of old. Dominate the regular season with offense, then fall apart in the playoffs because they can't stop anyone.

AFC West Champ: San Diego

San Diego has the exact same team as last year, minus Donnie "Asshole" Edwards. The team is still young and look to improve. The schedule will be tougher but that doesn't mean much because their division is even worse than last year. Denver's running game will improve with Travis Henry and the defense will look to replace D. Williams. They may play with some fire after the loss of two players in the off-season but the AFC is too strong for them to make a playoff spot. Kansas City is horrible. They embarrassed themselves by letting HBO follow them. Herm Edwards is a terrible coach. The QBs suck and even if they were good they have no one to throw to anyway. Oakland will be better. I can see them being a little of surprise but definitely not enough to make the playoffs.

AFC Wild Cards: Cincinnati, New England

AFC Champ: San Diego

Superbowl Champ: San Diego

Coach of the Year: Bobby Petrino

He'll get extra points because of the outrage with Vick. I think they can win 8 or 9 games, which should get them into the playoffs.

MVP: LT

Norv Turner will hammer the ball with LT. He's determined this year to win a Superbowl and will carry the team on his back.

Offensive POY: LT

See Above

Defensive POY: Julius Peppers

I don't have any good reason. Just a hunch.

Offensive ROY: Adrian Peterson

I think he's gonna dominate the carries by mid-season. I really don't see any good offensive rookies other than Calvin Johnson. I don't want to pick Calvin because everyone else is picking him.

Defensive ROY: LaRon Landry

He's a tough player. The Skins will use him wisely and teams will fear him. Plus with Sean Taylor back there he won't have the whole load on his shoulders.

What the wager should be: Loser pitch in to buy winner a $50 gift certificate at place of winner's choice. Rah would get a $50 gift card to SuperCuts. Yahya would get one to the mail order bridge company of his choice. Anwar will get one for Lotas-R-Us. Tariq would get one for McDonald's.

Madden 08's NFL Predictions

NFC East Champ: Philadelphia

NFC South Champ: Tampa

NFC West Champ: Seattle

NFC North Champ: Chicago

NFC Wild Cards: Washington, St Louis

NFC Champ: Philadelphia

AFC East Champ: New England

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis

AFC North Champ: Baltimore

AFC West Champ: San Diego

AFC Wild Cards: Kansas City, Miami

AFC Champ: New England

Superbowl Champ: New England

Coach of the Year: NE Coach

MVP: LT

Offensive POY: LT

Defensive POY: Deshea Townsend

Offensive ROY: JaMarcus Russel

Defensive ROY: Patrick Willis

Rah's NFL Predictions

NFC East Champ: Dallas Cowboys. Similar to last season the 'boys will bring their high powered offense to every game. Look for the two-headed beast at RB and the T.O friendly offense to score early and often. Defensively look for turnovers and if they can remain healthy this team is destined for a deep run in the postseason.

NFC South Champ: New Orleans Saints. With one year of experience under his belt look for Reggie Bush to put up ridiculous numbers and count on multiple appearances on ESPN's Top Ten. Despite their tough schedule they will win due to weaknesses in the division.

NFC West Champ: St. Louis Rams. Steven Jackson is coming off of an excellent 2006 campaign, and will have an even better 2007. Although the Rams have issues defensively they will sit atop of the NFC south at the end of the season. Seattle is aging, Shaun Alexander has lost his step, and slapped with a tough schedule look for Matt Hasslebeck to struggle. Oh yeah and Babineux is TRASH.

NFC North Champ: Chicago Bears. Plain and simple the best overall team in the division. They will not repeat their 13-3 2006 campaign due to lack of confidence and a dismal preseason from QB Rex Grossman. The Bears will win the division but the Green Bay packers will not be far behind.

NFC Champ: Dallas Cowboys. This team is focused and it seems as though all the right pieces are falling into place at the right time. Look for this team to remain hungry and plow through the NFC in the playoffs.

NFC Wild Cards: Seattle Seahawks and Philadelphia Eagles

AFC East Champ: New England Patriots. One Name...Tom Brady. Arguably the best QB of all time and now he is armed with Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth. Are you kidding me?? Not to mention the addition of Adalius Thomas and the ingeniousness of Head Coach Bill Belicheck. Is this even fair? Should this NFL season even be played? Lets just give Tom the MVP and the Pats their 4th Championship in 7 years.

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis Colts. The colts are like a well-oiled machine look for them to continue their regular season supremacy. They will easily win the division however look for 2nd year QB Vince Young to have an excellent season however just come up shy of making the playoffs.

AFC North Champ: Baltimore Ravens. This year this will be one of the most competitive divisions in football. Look for them to produce three playoff teams. That's right count 'em: Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore.

AFC West Champ: San Diego Chargers. The Chargers will win every divisional game this year. Look for Phillip Rivers to have great efficiency and LT to have an MVP caliber season. With the chiefs not knowing who's playing QB these days, the raiders well being the raiders, and the broncos fielding the worst team in the Mike Shanahan Era the Chargers should have this division wrapped up by week 10.

AFC Wild Cards: Pittsburgh Steelers and Cincinnati Bengals.

AFC Champ: New England Patriots. See AFC East Champs.

Superbowl Champ: New England Patriots. See AFC East Champs.

Coach of the Year: Bobby Petrino, if the Falcons win 6 games he deserved it.

MVP: Tom Brady, I get chills just typing his name.

Offensive POY: LT, 'nuff said.

Defensive POY: DeMarcus Ware, B WARE of D WARE

Offensive ROY: Marshawn Lynch, 1000+ yards

Defensive ROY: Laron Landry, 55 Tackles 3 INTS

What the wager should be: Loser has to move to Bangladesh

Yahya's NFL Predictions

NFC East Champ: Dallas Cowboys, homer pick but they are the most balanced team in the east. Worried about secondary b/c Newman's injury might be lingering on for the year.

NFC South Champ: Saints, alot of people might think that they were a 1 year wonder, no I, the O is too talented and explosive, Bush is gonna have a gr8 year. D will be weak but Will Smith is gonna be heard about.

NFC West Champ: 49ers, young team on the come up. They beat seahawks last year, Rams are never gonna be more than fantasy stat producers.

NFC North Champ: Chicago, it's a weak division, I think it'll come down to chicago or Vikings. Both have bad QBs and good Ds and good RBs, chicago just has a better D and Rex G (sux) but is more experienced than the right handed Mike Vick.

NFC Champ: Cowboys, once again a bias decision. I have my worries but no team in the NFC stands out so why not the Boyz (Saints will be runner up)

Cowboys and Saints will get bye weeks.
!st round: Philadelphia @ SF, Seattle @ Chicago.

AFC East Champ:NE Patriots, not enough competition in the east for the very talented Belichick squad. (Seymour is gonna miss 1st 6 games and Harrison will miss 1st 4, so maybe a slow start defensively)

AFC South Champ: Colts, too experienced, too talented, too much for the rest of the division.

AFC North Champ:Steelers, Big Ben is gonna have a comeback year and Steelers will be stellar again.

My AFC wildcard:
Denver @ Pitt, Baltimore @ Indianapolis

AFC West Champ: San Diego, too tough of D and too good of running game, especially w/ Norv turner on board. He's been a bust as a head coach but he finally has a team that's already talented (something he sux at developing). LT will have a 2k yard season. Denver will be close.

AFC Champ: San Diego, cromartie will stop Moss.

Superbowl Champ: Dallas Cowboys.

Coach of the Year: Mike Tomlin

MVP: LT

Offensive POY: Tom Brady

Defensive POY: Shawne Merriman

Offensive ROY: Calvin Johnson

Defensive ROY: Anthony Spencer

What the wager should be: free ticket to Cowboys game next year, chipped in by other losers (gotta check w/ sheikh Omer if this qualifies as a bet or not, if so, winner can marry my 2nd tallest cousin, tallest one is mine)

Anwar's NFL Predictions

NFC East Champ: The boys are no doubt the champs here, with a defense that has the capability to rip any team apart, look for phillips to shatter post season records as a coach which have hindered the cowboys to only first round appearances.

NFC South Champ: Saints will do it again, you can't stop Sean's offense. It is high powered and the weapons they bring to the table will fulfill this prediction.

NFC West Champ: St. Louis Rams are my pick and I definitely think the Seahawks are out of the picture. Not a horrible record, but no comparison to last years team.

NFC North Champ: Green Bay or Minnesota, but only one team can make it so I will have to lean toward the vikings. This is my shocker, with the bears defense looking questionable, I believe they wont have the same energy and spark they had last year to win the north. Defense wins championships, but with a horrible QB I doubt any defense will be able make up for the offensive side. This might seem way out there, but the vikings defense looks promising. Offensively, they are young with a QB that as potential. Don't let the vikings slip under the radar just yet.

NFC Champ: Boys again; if we can have our starters healthy this year, and not to mention a decent pass rush compared to last year, we will be able to live up to the saying, "Cowboys are America's Team"

AFC East Champ: With out a doubt the Patriots, the jets may be a slight problem and I mean very slight. However, if new england can keep its impact players healthy, dallas might have a challenge. Tom and Randy all day if Moss can keep be hamstring injury free.

AFC South Champ: Colts, bengals are a possibility but I am going to stick with mannings arm and the colts improving defense. (Fingers crossed)

AFC North Champ: Ravens are questionable, but I will select them to win the AFC north. I am not comfortable with McNair as I have been in the passed. He has shown some potential in his passing game but at the same time he has shown his age is beginning to catch up. There defense looks to be flawless and with a secondary that has Reed leading the way. With the Bears losing Jones and replacing him with Cedric as a full time starter (16 games) I don't seem them as threating as they were in the 2006-2007 season.

AFC West Champ: San Diego will be definitely put up a fight, with lights out in the line for all 16 games, there is always a problem on the field. That is if he doesn't get suspended for rape, drugs, and etc. There will be memorable plays, especially on defense, that will circulate ESPN top 10 2007-2008 season.

AFC Champ: I am choosing the chargers here for many reasons. With the patriots hyped up, I don't see moss healthy all year long. The colts don't get me aroused enough to see them fighting for a spot at the AFC championship game, seems to good to be true. Manning will no doubt have many Kodak moment TD'S to harrison but still not enough to reserve them a spot. Vince, what can I say he will probably have a slight improvement in his stats, but he has a long way to go with two empty positions on the far end of both sides on the field. The bengals worry me, they have the potential but I am going to keep my fingers crossed and stick with the chargers.

Superbowl Champ: Dallas

Coach of the Year: Wade as his first year as a head coach. . Stats tell you the truth from the previous season but not always guarantee you a correct prediction for the following seasoning. That is why with the Cowboys and their unwanted luck in the first round, I see that changing this year. Wade has brought a whole new aspect to our team and has a different type of relationship with players compared to Parcells. Obviously that is the key, so I truly believe that we have the missing parts that we need to make a push to the big one. Phillips will bring our defense to the top and help Romo polish his ability to make big plays during the upcoming season.

MVP: Carson Palmer did put up ridiculous numbers last year and I do seem him continuing this trend. Lets hope Ocho-Cinco stays healthy for him to win this noble award.

Offensive POY: From the chargers, if LT can remain healthy all season long he will be re-named again. It seems to good to be true, hopefully he will stay injury free.

Defensive POY: Demarcus Ware, why? Last year he carried our D-line after ellis was out. If he continues to be the leader and rips apart the offensive line, look for the Cowboys to have a great year along with their defensive player of the year. Might seem impossible, think again. This rising star has been effecting on defense since day one.

Offensive ROY: CJ, he's a beast and I do seem him living up to his enormous contract that was given to him in the off-season, even though I am not content with Kitna.

Defensive ROY: Michael Griffin, with two INT'S during the preseason I seem him shutting every critic up about his early selection in the draft. This kid has each skill to be a perfect shutdown corner in years to come. Watch for Griffin make his entrance into the league as Defensive Rookie of the year winner.

What the wager should be: Your way to beautiful

Tariq's NFL Predictions

NFC East Champ: Dallas Cowboys, Tony Romo will make a push for MVP and lead the offense with a solid defensethat will struggle against the pass.

NFC South Champ: Carolina Panthers, Jake will bounce back to have a better year, and the saints will take a step back.

NFC West Champ: Seattle Seahawks, They will be healthy again and should take this division easily once agian as all the other teams have huge weaknesses.

NFC North Champ: Chicago Bears, simply because they are the only team in this division that should be playing football.

NFC Champ: Seattle Seahawks, this is a seasoned team that almost knocked off the bears at their house last year in the playoffs. Put your money on experience. Tony Romo sucks he will never win a playoff game, he got figured out last year and should not have made the pro bowl.

AFC East Champ: New England Patriots, not much to say here. They will lose to the cowboys once and then to the jets once but a 14-2 season should do the trick. Trick.

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis Colts, they will also dominate this division. The defense will regress from their performance in the playoffs last year, but it will be enough to put up a 12 win season.

AFC North Champ: Cincinnati Bengals, they surely made a lot of mistakes last year but have the talent to win in this amazing division. Carson Palmer will be among MVP candidates.

AFC West Champ: San Diego Chargers, LT will do his thing and they will win 12 games.

AFC Champ: Baltimore Ravens, they will come in as the wild-card but the defense is veteran and so is the QB. And Willis will be the difference as the offense will put up a touchdown and then some in the playoffs.

Superbowl Champ: Baltimore Ravens. I love shaun and matt, but defense wins championships. Baltimore will go through: colts, chargers, patriots so why not the seahawks.

Coach of the Year: Lane Kiffin

MVP:Carson Palmer

Offensive POY: LT

Defensive POY: Shaun Merriman

Offensive ROY: Calvin Johnson

Defensive ROY: Lawrence Timmons

What the wager should be: The losers have to havetheir moms ship tariq food on a weekly basis.