With the recent controversy surrounding the suspension of Cowboys Quarterbacks Coach Wade Wilson, the NFL has begun testing all NFL coaches for steroids. The initial crop of coaches who were tested came from the AFC West. 5th Degree Burn has obtained a copy of a memo addressed to Mike Shanahan, Head Coach of the Denver Broncos. In this memo it was confirmed that Shanahan's DNA exactly mirrors that of an Oompa Loompa, something 5th Degree Burn has speculated for years. The Denver Broncos and Shanahan refused to comment on the matter publicly but 5th Degree Burn IMed Quaterback Jay Cutler (AIM screenname: JYCUT6) and he gave the following response, "Well I never have seen a Coach Shanahan and an Oompa Loompa in the same place at the same time." After further research, a suspicious reference appeared on Shanahan's resume which was submitted to Coach Dan Reeves for an opening at an assistant position in the 1980's. The reference was for Mel Stuart, Director of the original Charlie and Chocolate Factory. When asked if the NFL would take action against Shanahan, Commissioner Goodell released this statement: "The NFL does not discriminate upon race, ethnicity, or species. With that being said, I will withhold my right to spend Shanahan until further evidence is received by my office. This case is not closed just yet."
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