Notre Dame Groundskeeper Using New Techniques

Have you seen the grass at Notre Dame Stadium late? It's beautiful and plush to say the least. Lenny Perkins, the Head Groundskeeper at the stadium told 5th Degree Burn he gets asked hundreds of times a day, "How is your grass so thick and green?" Perkins merely replies, "Have you seen the team play lately?" What does this have to do with anything you might ask. Well Perkins let 5th Degree Burn in on the secret. The team is such crap they provide the fertilizer for the grass to bloom even in a summer when water has been limited due to midwestern draught. When given a draft of this article, as 5th Degree Burn does with all its subjects, Perkins commented, "Man, that's a hell of a picture. Not only is #40 trying to make a goaline tackle in that romp to make the team 0-4 but he's also helping the grass out."