1.11.07

Uniform Tournament Round 1: Basketball Bracket

Below is a review on each jersey. Vote in the right column. (Click on the links to see a picture of the jerseys.)


Game 1
1. Golden State Warriors
I have read plenty of uniform reviews that call this the greatest jersey in NBA history. The photo shows a Jason Richardson throwback version of the actual 1966-67 original. The original jerseys didn't have last names on them which looks better. I love the symbols of "The City" with the bridge and the trolley. Altough maybe #6 fits better with the San Fransisco part of the bay area.





8. Cleveland Cavaliers
I'm a huge fan of this color combo: orange, baby blue, and black. The jersey shown is a Shawn Kemp jersey which adds extra points (and kids). I think LeBron should use his global icon status to change those ugly things they wear now back to these. Tell me, you wouldn't buy this thing in 23 if you could! I think this could be a dark-horse in the tourney.





Game 2
2. North Carolina Tarheels
This is a classic design that is fairly contemporary. This is my favorite color so maybe I'm a little biased, but I don't care. The argyle design on the side tops it off. I prefer this 1997 jersey over the new "sleek" design.







7. Kentucky Wildcats
Of course I'm biased as a Kentucky fan but these are incredible. You can't buy them as a throwback, which is rediculous. Why doesn't Converse want to make money? As far as I know they are the only denim jerseys ever. It also helps they were worn by the greatest college basketball team ever. I remember the tag line: There's Venom in the Denim. Kind of dumb, but I still like the jerseys.





Game 3

3. Washington Bullets
Its really stupid that they changed their names to the Wizards. Why did they ever change from this jersey? The new gold ones are as ugly as can be. This jersey also gets extra points for being the one of the jerseys that Maurice Clarett stole in the first of his many run-ins with the law.




6. Denver Nuggets
Are these jerseys a funky retro style or just gay? I'm still trying to decide.







Game 4
4. Orlando Magic (Alternate)
Remember when Shaq and Penny were the biggest thing in sports? It always seems like teams try to bank on having the big thing with new jerseys (see LeBron and Carmelo). These jerseys were incredible and went perfectly with my favorite shoe.






5. Atlanta Hawks
I didn't know about these jerseys until I played NBA Street and I picked up Pistol Pete. It's amazing that the jersey actually said "Pistol" on the back of them. Now-a-days you can't even have a team named the Bullets.

Crowing a Uniform King

5th Degree Burn with the help of its fans will try to crown the best jersey in sports history. We have picked 4 brackets (basketball, NFL, college football, and miscellaneous) and seeded each bracket. We made two football brackets because football has the largest amount of nice jerseys. Soon we will have a little write up for each jersey as to why its on list. Here is the list (click on links to see which jersey we are talking about):


Basketball Bracket
1. Golden State Warriors
2. North Carolina Tarheels
3. Washington Bullets
4. Orlando Magic
5. Atlanta Hawks
6. Denver Nuggets
7. Kentucky Wildcats
8. Cleveland Cavaliers

NFL Bracket
1. San Diego Chargers
2. Chicago Bears
3. Dallas Cowboys
4. Denver Broncos
5. Houston Oilers
6. Washington Redskins
7. Cleveland Browns
8. Cincinnati Bengals

College Football Bracket
1. Michigan Wolverines
2. Florida State University
3. Penn State University
4. UCLA Bruins
5. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (Alternate)
6. Virginia Tech Hokies
7. Hawaii Rainbow Warriors
8. Oregon Ducks

Miscellaneous Bracket
1. Argentina Soccer
2. Buffalo Sabers
3. New York Yankees
4. Houston Astros
5. Brazil Soccer
6. Arizona State Sun Devils Baseball (Alternate)
7. Calgary Flames
8. Philadelphia Phillies

31.10.07

Dicky Lyons Hitman Extraordinaire

With their 3rd loss of the season, the Kentucky Wildcats seem to be out of the case; however, they can still take pride in the win over future national champs LSU and this hit...

18.10.07

David Carr's Post of the Week


Dear Readers,
Man its been a slow week on the site. I think something is wrong. Anyway, I don't appreciate you guys giving me that nickname. I'm not a fag (see photo). My back is killing me. So I've been watching YouTube all week instead of practicing. I'm gonna be pissed if Fox starts the corpse known as Vinny Testeverde over me. Whatever, who cares about football? Here are some funny videos I wanted to share.
Peace,
Dave Carr







9.10.07

Sexual Harrassment

Just watch the clip.

Torre Press Conference Sets New Mark

In rare 5th Degree Burn baseball news, Joe Torre, New York Yankees soon-to-be ex-manager, set a new much heralded record in his press conference before Game 3 Sunday at Yankee Stadium. In a local Bronx barbershop Jose Pena allegedly exclaimed, "Damn, look at that 7-head!" This comment broke Pena's former mark of 6-head set in a viewing of the 3rd cycle of America's Next Top Model at the barbershop. The former record holder Tyra Banks was not available for comment; however, a message on her blog claim that she was "honored to of held the record" and added "I'm happy for Joe." How gracious of Tyra. 5th Degree Burn interviewed Pena who said, "Have you seen that forehead? It's almost at 8-head level. He's also on the verge of taking Adrien Brody's nose mark." Torre release the following message, "It's a sad day as one of my last as a Yankee. This record really lessens the pain. I can't wait to move on in my career in baseball and in enormous facial features. Adrien Brody is definitely in my sight."

4.10.07

NFL Player Causes Chaos In Hollywood



Tampa Bay Buccaneers wide receiver Michael Clayton has sued Hollywood movie studio Warner Brothers for using his name as the title of their new blockbuster movie starring George Clooney. The suit claims that Warner Brothers used Clayton's name as a marketing tool to greater increase its viewership. When reached by 5th Degree Burn for comment, Clayton gave the following statement through his lawyer, "Michael Clayton is a known name in the NFL. Maybe, I flaked out after a good rookie year but I still have a huge following on the 'net. That's a solid fan base who probably think that this is a movie about my life or something. I am entitled to some royalties for this, I don't care what anyone says."


The lawsuit will not effect the release of Michael Clayton; however, chaos has ensued in Hollywood and many studios have begun to shut down movie production for other movies also sharing their names with NFL players. Jericho Cotchery, another Warner Brothers movie about a family with the last name Cotchery which takes place in the ancient city, was shut down Tuesday from the fear of another lawsuit. On the other hand, Olin Kreutz, a Dreamworks movie about a Polish jew during WWII, was not shut down on because the studio claimed, "It's Dreamworks and the movie is a about a jew, believe us we have a really good lawyer."

David Carr's Weekly Update


Dear 5th Degree Burn Readers,

I know you watched Sunday. So far I've played in 3 games and I now have 2 fourth quarter comeback wins. I've engineered two more wins than that loser Drew Brees has the whole season. Everyone keeps giving Kasay all the credit in the world for the win, what the hell? I lead both the drives in the 4th quarter and we scored 10 points to win by 3. I'm pretty pissed off about that now but I was excited about the win when it happened. As you can see from the picture, I was wearing the lucky white gloves (so far 2-0 in white and 0-1 in black) and I tried to kiss Kasay. We kind of forgot about the face masks. I kissed him later in the locker room though but I don't think anyone got a picture of that, thankfully. I'm trying to workout a poll for next week, but that bastard Rah keeps making other polls before me. What do you guys think about a new nickname for me? You have to have a clever nickname if you're the comback king of the league. Anyhow, I got to go to practice in a little but first I have to catch the last 10 minutes of Hair, somehow my wife found my favorite musical on DVD!!!

Peace,

David Carr

Source of Patriots Cheating Revealed




I don't know if most football fans remember a trip to Russia that Patriots owner Bob Kraft took in June of 2005. There was much hoopla about the trip because Putin "accidentally" kept Kraft's superbowl ring after trying it on in one of their meetings. 5th Degree Burn has uncovered some secret Patriots and Russian files that would link the two in the now infamous Beli-Cheat/SpyGate scandal. Apparently, this whole fiasco with the ring was merely a propaganda move by the two to shield our attention from the real question: What the heck is Bob Kraft doing in Russia? 5th Degree Burn has learned that the Patriots actually obtained sophisticated Russia spy technology to jam coach radio sideline signals and record audio of quarterback audibles and hard counts and used the pricing ring as collateral.
Initially, 5th Degree Burn did not believe the rumor; however, through further discovery we have uncovered what looks to be a perfect connection. After mulling through years of Patriots accounting books, we found the name Pikov N. Taekbek listed as being paid $800,000 for being a contracted IT expert. Then, 5th Degree Burn cross-referenced the name with Russian documents following the fall of communism in the country and they revealed the name Pikov N. Taekbek as a KGB "technology" expert. These facts seem like a little more than a coincedence to us.

Goodell Goes Suspension Crazy....Again

Everyone is aware of the current power trip of the head honcho at the NFL, Roger Goodell, and his suspensions of Chris Henry, Adam Jones, Tank Johnson, and Wade Wilson among others. On Wednesday, Yahoo sports reported that Commissioner Goodell has suspended free agent Tim Couch 6 games for admitting to using steriods. 5th Degree Burn asks, when will the former University of Kentucky standout serve his suspension? In an attempt to dig out the answer on this 5th Degree uncovered some more facts on the executive order to suspend Couch. While Goodell was suspending people who are not currently affiliated with the league he went ahead and suspended the following people:
1. Popeye the Sailorman for creating a competitive advantage by using spinach
2. Barry Bonds for obvious reasons
3. Scooter Libby for allegedly outing an ex-CIA agent
4. Mahmoud Ahmedinijad for "aiding a terrorist organization"
5. The Entire Norte Dame football team for sucking and disgracing the game
6. Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan for being sluts which is against the Player Conduct Policy
7. Senator Larry Craig for soliciting gay sex in an airport
8. Dane Cook for not being funny
9. Snoop Dogg for failure to adhere to the league's substance abuse policy
10. Pacman, the video game character, for being offiliated with Adam Jones

David Carr Weekly Update


Rather than file charges on David Carr and try to get a restraining order, 5th Degree Burn has decided to embrace his letters and turn them into a weekly column as a way to save money on lawyer fees:

"To Whom It May Concern:

I haven't been getting any reply emails or snail mail on this stuff but I'm happy you guys are posting these on the website. I feel like I'm the #1 pick again. All eyez are on me, as Tupac would say. How 'bout that game last week? I know we got destroyed but I moved into my rightful place as the starter on an underachieving team. I think I should make the move to running back. I mean look at the athlethicism I exhibited in that picture. 5 carries for 28 yards, I had more yards per carry than Larry Johnson this week. What can I say I'm a beast. You like the black gloves this week? It was a nice touch. I've decided that the black gloves are for starting and white are for backing up. It just makes more sense. I really don't have that much time to write letters any more, so this one has to be short, Coach Fox has me doing that stupid practice stuff. Everything he says goes in one ear and out they other. Anyway, its lunchtime and my wife packed me some PBJs in my Mickey Mouse lunch box. Catch you later.
Keepin' It Gangsta,
David Carr"

2.10.07

It's A Tie....again



For consecutive weeks now the weekly poll ended in a tie. According to 5th Degree Burn voters New England quarterback Tom Brady and Cincinnati quarterback Carson Palmer will share honors for having the biggest "thing" in the NFL(Brady still has the edge because he won last night's head-to-head match up). Upon hearing the news of this prestigious award Brady was quoted as saying "Carson Palmer????". Carson Palmer tells 5th Degree Burn ".... it's just an honor to be mentioned in the same sentence as Tom Brady." No one was more excited to hear this news than Tom Brady's girlfriend and mother of his second child, Bridgett Moynahan..."I've been playing with his 'thing' for a long time now and I'm glad he's finally getting the recognition he deserves...I've also played with Carson Palmer's 'thing' and it just isn't the same". Tom Brady showed off his thing to former Patriot receiver Deion Branch, as David Givens intently watches, after a touchdown catch in Super bowl 36(pictured above). Other players receiving votes include Joey Harrington, Rex Grossman, and Vince Young. This really demonstrates the type of readers we get here at 5th Degree Burn. These three quarterbacks have arguably the smallest "things" I've ever seen. Chicago Bear fans tell us that Rex Grossman has the smallest "thing" in the NFL and when he begins to run you can't even see it. Tennessee Titan fans say that Vince Young's "thing" has gotten bigger as the season progressed and is more visible as he runs. Tune in next week when 5th Degree Burn asks "Why do the Patriots Cheat?"

29.9.07

Kevin Everett Update

5th Degree Burn cannot confirm this source but News 12 Buffalo had this update on Kevin Everett's condition:

25.9.07

Bills Quaterback Goes Through Name Change


Sunday afternoon, Buffalo Bills quarterback J.P. Losman went down with what looked to be a season-ending knee injury. After an MRI on Monday, tests revealed it was merely a sprained knee and that Losman will only miss a couple games. Upon hearing the good news Losman allegedly has legally changed his name from Losman to Winman. "I'm really not proud of the losing culture here in Buffalo. I feel this has been brought on mainly by me and my last name. With the upswing of the good news on my injury, I feel it is time to turn the page in my career and the legacy of the Buffalo Bills," read Winman from a statement he prepared on Tuesday morning. 5th Degree Burn surveyed the Bills locker room with the question, "What made Losman change his name?" 95% of the players answered that "He went to jail and converted to Islam." When asked to comment on the effect his will have on his team, Head Coach Dick Jauron said, "I don't think it really means anything. It just sounds like he's a Jew now."

24.9.07

David Carr Strikes Again


David Carr stalks us. We received a copy of this letter at our Madison, Salt Lake City, and Mexico City offices:

"Dear 5th Degree Burn,
What the hell? You left me off the poll again. I have a huge 'thing'. You need to show me more respect. You saw how I came in the end of the game against Atlanta and won it for us. I was in there only a couple plays but that was me that handed it off for the game winning play. Me and DeShawn have great hand off chemistry and I really need the gloves to keep a good grip on it. These gloves are the best thing that have happened to me in years. Looks like I might start next week. Chalk up a win for the good guys. You better not leave me off the poll next week or I'll come after you. Bridezillas is on, I gotta go I love that show.
Carolina Comeback King,
David Carr"

It's a Tie!! - Rah



According to 5th Degree Burn's last poll Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo and Kansas City Chiefs Head Coach Herm Edwards both received 30% of the votes for the NFL's most homosexual. Others receiving votes were Peyton Manning, Rex Grossman, as well as Reggie Bush. Tune in next week when 5th Degree Burn asks "Which NFL Quarterback has the biggest 'Thing'?"

Notre Dame Groundskeeper Using New Techniques




Have you seen the grass at Notre Dame Stadium late? It's beautiful and plush to say the least. Lenny Perkins, the Head Groundskeeper at the stadium told 5th Degree Burn he gets asked hundreds of times a day, "How is your grass so thick and green?" Perkins merely replies, "Have you seen the team play lately?" What does this have to do with anything you might ask. Well Perkins let 5th Degree Burn in on the secret. The team is such crap they provide the fertilizer for the grass to bloom even in a summer when water has been limited due to midwestern draught. When given a draft of this article, as 5th Degree Burn does with all its subjects, Perkins commented, "Man, that's a hell of a picture. Not only is #40 trying to make a goaline tackle in that romp to make the team 0-4 but he's also helping the grass out."

Gaming Company Releases New Baseball Inspired Game


Milton Bradley, the board game company, has announced plans to release a new board game inspired by the frequent blow-ups in Major League Baseball and several minor leaguers and managers. When approached by 5th Degree Burn, Milton Bradley would not comment on the content of the game but offered the following statement, "With yesterday's blow-up by Milton Bradley and the recent record by for ejections by Bobby Cox, we feel that the time is right for us to announce this game which is still in development." The incident Milton Bradley commented on happened yesterday in San Diego. Padres outfielder and hot head Milton Bradley was unhappy with the first-base umpire and decided to let him know. While being held back by a coach Bradley slipped and tore his ACL. He will be out for the rest of the season for the Padres who are in the heat of a playoff race. 5th Degree Burn has obtained a private company document in which it states that the game will be called "Loose Canon: Getting Throw Out in More Ways Than One" and will consist of players being faced with certain bad calls and having to escalate the situation to be ejected for hitting certain "hot" topics. When asked to comment on the game Milton Bradley, the player, simply replied, "F*ck you."

Romo Continues to Deliver as Henry racks up 2 INT's/ TD - Lawnmower


The team from Big D whipped up on the franchise with the big-time D on Sunday night. By embarrassing the battered Bears, the Cowboys offered a powerful statement about which team could supplant the Super Bowl XLI runners-up as the NFC's representative in Arizona this season.

Oh, and Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo continued to deliver this loud and potentially lucrative message to owner Jerry Jones, as well: Time to quit dawdling, Jerry, and reward the fifth-year veteran with a long-term contract extension. Perhaps drawn down to the level of the pathetic Chicago offense in the first half, the high-powered Dallas attack sleepwalked through the opening 30 minutes, with eight penalties, a turnover and countless mental lapses that led to a 3-3 score at halftime. But once Romo and the Cowboys woke up, it was lights-out for the Bears. As Dallas took control of the game on both sides of the line of scrimmage, Romo began shredding the Chicago defense. He hit 13 of 18 passes for 189 yards and two touchdowns, in the process compiling a gaudy 146.5 passer rating for the half. For the game, he was 22-for-35 for 329 yards.


Upside: Dallas is 3-0 since the 1999, Owens has been exceptionally happy, and who ever though that Anthony Henry would be leading the league with an astonishing 4 interceptions and 1 Td in 3 games.

Downside: Flozel cost the Cowboys 3 penalties, his 7th of the year. This is not acceptable from a lineman who only had a total of 5 penalties in the 2006 season, J.Jones has been receiving to much playing time, and Marion Barber hasn't had a concussion or steroid problem, yet. Barber said "I used to bang my head against the wall because I had this rage in me. Now, I grew my hair out on purpose so when I come in contact with a defensive player, my helmet pop's off and they'll get all dreadlocks and a black forehead."


Coming soon Cowboys vs. Rams preview

Donnovan McNabb Comes Out of the Closet with a Bang - Rah


Donnovan McNabb celebrated his homosexual coming out this Sunday by making his team wear these horrendously bright colored jerseys(pictured right). The team was very reluctant to wear the jerseys at first, defensive end Jevon Kearse stated "I know McNabb's gay, but why do I have to look like damn fool?" The rest of the team had similar attitudes about the jersey's with the exception of wide receiver Kevin Curtis he tells 5th Degree Burn that he enjoyed them... "I like them, they feel so good against my body." There has been a lot of speculation about Curtis and McNabb ever since this off season acquirement came to the eagles. Not too long afterwards they were spotted at several gay bars in the city of brotherly love. If you ask me their 3 TD connection on Sunday was just disgusting to watch.

20.9.07

Mashhood Spotted


The question, "Wheres Mashhood"? or MASHHOOOD? This has finally been answered, we caught up with the h-town native in New York about 2 months ago, but now we have lost him again. At that time he was finding his shoes. His friend Bilal, sawal, was with him as well but was not captured in the photo above.

Next time you are with a friend, as them if they know where mashhood and his shoes are? We love this boy but my shoes where are you?

Update: No sign of Sawal, jamal.

David Carr Responds to 5th Degree Burn


5thdegreeburn.blogspot.com received an angry letter from David Carr in our Vancouver office yesterday. The letter read:
"Dear 5th Degree Burn,
Hi. This is David Carr, backup quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. I am very offended by my omission from this week's poll of most homosexual NFL player. Add this to the disrepect of not putting me on the top 10 list of things that look worse than Notre Dame and I'm pretty irrate. I don't want to have to mess my hair up and take my white gloves off, but believe me I will fly to Vancouver, Fort Collins, Des Moises, or any of your other offices to give you a piece of my mind. My status as a backup should not affect your judgement and leave me off those lists. At any rate, I'm a big fan. I would write more but I just bought Season 2 of Queer As Folk and I'm hooked.
Your BFF,
David Carr"

19.9.07

In Reference to Tariq's new State.


VT is the correct abbreviation for Tariq only. Since the VT shootings, I have always said Tariq is going to be living in "VT" (Actually Virgina for people who don't understand). Obviously, VT is Vermont; this was an inside joke.

18.9.07

Myth Debunked


The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority is being sued by OJ Simpson for their false claim that "What Happens In Vegas Stays in Vegas". Hearing the news the LVCVA has temporarily removed the advertisement and replaced it with "What Happens In Vegas Stays in Vegas (unless it's aggrevated robbery...excuse us, self-fufilling, recapturing of goods at gun point)."

Shifayet is back and Julie is in Jail


When I decided to go to the Halaqa on Friday I never thought that french fries would be there, 10lbs lighter. I heard over the week that he played basketball with Nabile and they were actually close friends. Well, I saw Nabile and asked him right away as I entered the UTC, I heard shifayet is a friend of yours, is he back? Nabile responded by saying, yeah he is right behind you.

At that moment, I was stunned. Shifayet smiled and said "Hey whats up" in a very rough voice. I didn't know what to say, after all the french fries, abuse, and crap we discussed about him on facebook. Was he here to get revenge and shoot us all? That was lingering over my head for about an hour. I started to talk with him and ended up sitting next to him as we broke our fast. At the same time Riyaz kept telling me about Coleman and how he brought home a dog today.

I didn't know who to express my feelings to, since no one was there to understand what I was going through. Sawal wasn't there and Mashhood was moving to VT. He asked me if we play basketball and where everyone was. I went ahead and told him that Bengali was in Houston, Tariq moved to VT, and me and rah were still here. He then said, "Tariq went to VT? Man that was my boy." Afterwards, I asked him if he has ever talked to Bengali, which he replied no. So I went and ahead and volunteered to give him his cell phone number.


Now, lets analyze some things: He said that he is suing the state for racial profiling, Julie was in jail, and he came back to UT. What's worse is, he probably knows about my life because of Facebook and I will probably be shot in the next 2 weeks. He wants to play ball and this is where I believe I may be shot, on the court. Whats bizarre is, his first week back he ended up going to a Halaqa. That honestly leaves a lot of question marks.

By the way, rah and I have rearranged my room, I'll take pictures and post them on the blog and Walter stopped by our apartment complex and told us our next door neighbor is gay and just came from pakistan. I called APD friday night because he was being gay.

Reports from Denver Implicate Shanahan


With the recent controversy surrounding the suspension of Cowboys Quarterbacks Coach Wade Wilson, the NFL has begun testing all NFL coaches for steroids. The initial crop of coaches who were tested came from the AFC West. 5th Degree Burn has obtained a copy of a memo addressed to Mike Shanahan, Head Coach of the Denver Broncos. In this memo it was confirmed that Shanahan's DNA exactly mirrors that of an Oompa Loompa, something 5th Degree Burn has speculated for years. The Denver Broncos and Shanahan refused to comment on the matter publicly but 5th Degree Burn IMed Quaterback Jay Cutler (AIM screenname: JYCUT6) and he gave the following response, "Well I never have seen a Coach Shanahan and an Oompa Loompa in the same place at the same time." After further research, a suspicious reference appeared on Shanahan's resume which was submitted to Coach Dan Reeves for an opening at an assistant position in the 1980's. The reference was for Mel Stuart, Director of the original Charlie and Chocolate Factory. When asked if the NFL would take action against Shanahan, Commissioner Goodell released this statement: "The NFL does not discriminate upon race, ethnicity, or species. With that being said, I will withhold my right to spend Shanahan until further evidence is received by my office. This case is not closed just yet."

16.9.07

10 Things that Look Better than Notre Dame...but Just Barely - Rah




10. Michigan





9. Tariq





8. Sue Johanson




7. Kansas City Chiefs




6. Jerry Jones Papa John's Commercial


(click on link above to play commercial)


5. Joe Thiesman Injury




4. The Rio Grande Valley




3. The "Costanza"



2. A Piece of Crap



1. Charlie Weiss's Body


14.9.07

LJ's New Rap Dissing Priest: T-Money


"Can I come back, can I come back?" the rap says. "And if you don't pay my money, I ain't never coming back. So f--- that."

11.9.07

Decoration Company Strikes Deal With Jets


Riding the recent media buzz around Jets fans booing QB Chad Pennington, Halloween decoration company Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd. announced Monday that they have teamed up with the NFL franchise to release a limited edition ghost decoration. The Jets starting QB Pennington went down in Sunday's game at Giants Stadium against the Patriots after having his ankle rolled as he was being sacked by Jarvis Green. Pennington hobbled off the field in pain, in order for his team to not have to waste an injury timeout. This heroic move left second year player Kellen Clemens to finish the drive. Jets fans cheered as the much revered Clemens came on to the field and repeatedly booed starter Pennington throughout the game. A spokesperson for Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd. released the following statement: "We do not condone fans cheering their players to get injured; however, we could not pass on the great marketing opportunity they gave our company. We are happy to be affiliated with the Jets." 5th Degree Burn reached Pennington after his MRI on Monday for comments about the announcement. Pennington said, "Yuyao Jason Christmas Decoration Co., Ltd.? Don't they only make Christmas decorations? At any rate, we won't have that hanging in front of the Pennington household come October 31st."

Bush's Ex Speaks


5thdegreeburn.blogspot.com has received a police report from San Bernadino, CA that gives a closer look into the bedroom of NFL poster boy and former USC Trojan Reggie Bush. The report, filed by Tom Barron, claims that his neighbor Tamika Shaw, a former girlfriend of Bush, repeatedly yelled "You never could find the hole!" on Thursday night. When police served Shaw with a disturbing the peace charge Shaw claimed that she was only watching the NFL opener on NBC, a thumping of the Saints by the Colts 41-10. In 5th Degree Burn's attempts to contact Shaw the only response was this statement released by her attorney: "It is known around the USC campus that Reggie can't find a hole for his life. Ms. Shaw has no qualms with this implication of Mr. Bush given his propensity to 'miss' and leave my client sitting on a donut for days."

Report: New England Spying on Opponents Signal Calling and Tom Brady has kid with Oprah - Ek Lardki

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has determined that the New England Patriots violated league rules Sunday when they videotaped defensive signals by the New York Jets coaches, according to league sources.

NFL security officials confiscated a camera and videotape from Patriots video assistant Matt Estrella on the New England sidelines when it was suspected he was recording the Jets' defensive signals. Sources say the visual evidence confirmed the suspicion.

Goodell is considering severe sanctions, including the possibility of docking the Patriots multiple draft picks because it is the competitive violation in the wake of a stern warning to all teams since he became commissioner, the sources said. The Patriots have been suspected in previous incidents.

The Patriots will be allowed an opportunity to present their case by Friday, sources said, most likely via the telephone.

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said on Tuesday that no official decision has been made and that the club has not been notified.

The league also was reviewing a possible violation into the number of radio frequencies the Patriots were using during Sunday's game, sources said. The team did not have a satisfactory explanation when asked about possible irregularities in its communication setup during the game.

Goodell is expected to have a decision no later than Friday but that is not set in stone.


In other news, Tom Brady had his second child with another women. This time it wasn't a model, Oprah was the new mother. "It wasn't planned and now I have a black child and a white child. Many people have told me to put the white child up for adoption." When asked why not care for both new borns? "One child is hard enough to deal with and I rather stick with a child that has a future in sports than raise a child who has not future."

The Patriots already have enough problems with the NFL and now they will be faced with Brady's racist remarks that had Randy Moss furious after practice. One witness said that Moss couldn't control his anger so he went to his car and lighted up a "Joint".

Thats it from Patriots camp, we'll be back next week when we talk with head coach Bill Belichick and how the NFL has accused him of spying on Peyton Manning as he was showering during training camp. Why would Bill go to Indiana and spy on Peyton, in the shower? This team has many legal troubles heading their way folks.

10.9.07

University of Michigan Student Transfers due to Dismal Beginning of '07 Football Season -Rah


A 20 year old sophomore, who chose to remain anonymous, at the University of Michigan decided to transfer schools on Saturday following the loss to unranked Oregon. This loss marks the second consecutive loss to unranked teams for Michigan causing them to start the season 0-2. Realizing that he would have to give up one academic year he was quoted as saying "It's worth it." He was also quoted as saying "I'm so embarrassed....How am I supposed to trust my professors and my education when I can't trust my football team?" The 20 year old sophomore proceeded to tell reporters that he dropped all of his classes as well burn all of his Michigan memorabilia.

Upon hearing this news star RB Mike Hart stated "I don't blame him." Senior QB Chad Henne said "If I didn't suck and fake injuries I'd transfer too." This event is spawning a revolution across the nation. Populations of schools that under perform in college football games is decreasing quickly. When asked which school this pioneer is transferring to he stated "I have a couple of different options, but right now I'm looking at Notre Dame and Florida St."

6.9.07

Where Does Andy Roddick Go From Here? -Rah


American tennis fans looked around and collectively shrugged their shoulders last night after Roger Federer def. Andy Roddick (7-6) (7-6) (7-2) in the quarterfinals of the U.S Open. Roddick has now lost 14 of his 15 matches against Federer. Andy almost played the first two sets to perfection, but almost perfection is not good enough when facing Roger Federer. The only break points that were won did not occur until the final set, Federer broke Roddick twice, but the match was effectively over by that point. Although Roddick put up his best effort in a Federer match by far, and although he took him to two tiebreaks to open the match you never got the feeling that Roddick was in control. The stats may tell a different story Federer dominated this match. Andy had his chance to break Federer and take a commanding 5-3 lead in the 2nd set, however he failed to do so as Roger reeled off an amazing forehand winner followed by an ace.

Roger Federer will move on to face Davydenko in the semi-finals as well as go on to solidify the argument that he is best tennis player of all time. But where does Andy Roddick go from here? He played the best tennis he’s played in a long time and failed to win a set against his nemesis. To be completely dominated by a single player in Grand Slam competition for the majority of your career has to take it’s toll. Will he ever get this monkey off his back? What left can he do to prepare for his next match with him? He is ranked #5 in the world and has been ranked as high as #2, but the gap that Federer has created between himself and the rest of the tennis world is increasing.

Ahmed's NFL Predictions


Since I think schedule is the most important thing in the NFL, I printed out the entire NFL schedule and picked my winners for every game. This is how it came out.

NFC East Champ: Dallas

Boasting the best defensive coordinator in the business as a head coach, this team is ready to take it to another level. The season rests on the shoulders of Tony Romo, but I think he'll pretty well with all the weapons he has around him. The Cowboys will feel a push from the Redskins this year. It may seem unlikely given the horrid season they had last year, but with Jason Campbell starting his first full season and a young blossoming secondary I can see them making moves. The Eagles will be shaky on Donovan's still injured knee and some shaky offseason defensive moves, I don't see them being about .500. The Giants will be terrible. Their offense is in shamble. They hate their coach. Former players talk about them, the GM talks about former players. Their secondary is horrible. I don't know what else to say.

NFC South Champ: Carolina

Carolina is the best of the worst here. This division is medicore at best. Carolina will be interesting if Delhomme doesn't play well early. Will David Carr get some clock? The running back situation is questionable. Can DeAngelo step it up? The defense will be pretty good as usual. I don't see New Orleans doing that well this year. Much like other teams that make a splash (ie, Chargers 2004) their record was better than they really were. Now they have to play all the other division winners and their record will plumit. Their offense is good but their defense is very bad. They picked up Cincy's safety and he will start for them. That's a bad sign. Atlanta will have a good year. Bobby Petrino will make Joey Harrington live up to his potential (he didn't play bad last year). Tampa Bay is horrible. Gruden will be out of a job soon.

NFC West Champ: St Louis

I'm not as hot as most people on this division. Yes, it will be highly contested. No, none of these teams will be a contender. St. Louis has a good offense, I'll give them that. I'm a little worried about Holt's injury because it seems like it can linger. I don't think Drew Bennett or McMichael really make them much better. Brian Leonard is an interesting fit however. The defense is still atrocious. I still don't trust San Fransisco. They put themselves on the map by playing crappy teams in their division tough. Alex and Frank need to prove that they can keep up their progression. Their defense however is improving with lots of good, young players. Seattle does not look good to me. They seem like they're fading. The defense looks good on paper but they're so-so when you watch. The offensive line is falling apart and so is Shaun. They'll be okay but not a playoff team in my book. The other teams in the division will actually beat them a couple games that last year went close. Arizona is an enigma to me. I could see them over .500 or with 4 wins. The offense will be great. The defense is the key. They have some really good players but absolutely no depth.

NFC North Champ: Chicago

I'm not impressed by them. I think people will figure out their weaknesses on defense. Tommie Harris has to come back strong or they will faulter. The rest of the division is terrible. Green Bay sucks, Minnesota sucks (their defense is pretty good though), and Detroit is horrific. Nothing more to say.

NFC Wild Cards: Washington, Atlanta

NFC Champ: Dallas

AFC East Champ: New York Jets

I don't see why people are so high on the Patriots. Their defense is just one year older. Who heard of Adalius Thomas before last year? That's what happens in contract years. People come from no where. Their offense was already good last year. Moss and Stallworth are questionable and so is Welker. Yeah, they could be really good, but far from a sure thing. Plus, the Pats have a very difficult schedule this year and the Jets don't. The Jets will add a running game to a team that was on the rise last year. They're coached well and they have an easy schedule to boast. I think it will be a very close race for the division with the Jets taking it. I'm a little uneasy on Pennington after the preseason though. I really don't see Miami doing anything. They're just getting older. No other improvements to be seen. Cameron isn't the answer. He used Norv Turner's system in San Diego and had questionable moves (LT really didn't get the ball that much the past 2 years). Buffalo will suck. They lost the 2 best players on the team (Spikes and McGahee). I don't like Marshawn Lynch, I don't know why (yes, I do: he's a Pac-10 player), but he won't have as good of a year as people expect.

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis

The AFC South can't compete with Peyton and company. They just can't. They have the exact same team that won the Superbowl with an extra reciever. Moving on, I don't know what to say about Tennessse, Houston, or Jacksonville. I can see all being horrible and all being decent. Jacksonville has a good defense but their offense makes me uneasy. Houston has a young defense that I think will make moves this year. Schaub is gonna upgrade the offense significantly, but why Ahman Green? Why? At Tennessee, Vince will improve by leaps and bounds, but they haven't done anything to help him. I feel sorry for him.

AFC North Champ: Baltimore

The best division in football. Cleveland will suck. I'll just say that now so I don't have to say it later. I'm guessing Dallas will have the #4 pick in the 2008 draft. Pittsburgh will be better. I'm kinda weery about the coaching but I think the players are good enough to make them competitive again. Cincinnati and Baltimore will both have some of the best records in the league. I can see Baltimore making huge strides. They were already good. Adalius Thomas' loss doesn't mean much to me but the addition of McGahee is enormous. Lewis sucked last year. McGahee will be a big upgrade. Cincinnati's offense will be great again. Who cares about defense? They'll be like the Colts of old. Dominate the regular season with offense, then fall apart in the playoffs because they can't stop anyone.

AFC West Champ: San Diego

San Diego has the exact same team as last year, minus Donnie "Asshole" Edwards. The team is still young and look to improve. The schedule will be tougher but that doesn't mean much because their division is even worse than last year. Denver's running game will improve with Travis Henry and the defense will look to replace D. Williams. They may play with some fire after the loss of two players in the off-season but the AFC is too strong for them to make a playoff spot. Kansas City is horrible. They embarrassed themselves by letting HBO follow them. Herm Edwards is a terrible coach. The QBs suck and even if they were good they have no one to throw to anyway. Oakland will be better. I can see them being a little of surprise but definitely not enough to make the playoffs.

AFC Wild Cards: Cincinnati, New England

AFC Champ: San Diego

Superbowl Champ: San Diego

Coach of the Year: Bobby Petrino

He'll get extra points because of the outrage with Vick. I think they can win 8 or 9 games, which should get them into the playoffs.

MVP: LT

Norv Turner will hammer the ball with LT. He's determined this year to win a Superbowl and will carry the team on his back.

Offensive POY: LT

See Above

Defensive POY: Julius Peppers

I don't have any good reason. Just a hunch.

Offensive ROY: Adrian Peterson

I think he's gonna dominate the carries by mid-season. I really don't see any good offensive rookies other than Calvin Johnson. I don't want to pick Calvin because everyone else is picking him.

Defensive ROY: LaRon Landry

He's a tough player. The Skins will use him wisely and teams will fear him. Plus with Sean Taylor back there he won't have the whole load on his shoulders.

What the wager should be: Loser pitch in to buy winner a $50 gift certificate at place of winner's choice. Rah would get a $50 gift card to SuperCuts. Yahya would get one to the mail order bridge company of his choice. Anwar will get one for Lotas-R-Us. Tariq would get one for McDonald's.

Madden 08's NFL Predictions


NFC East Champ: Philadelphia

NFC South Champ: Tampa

NFC West Champ: Seattle

NFC North Champ: Chicago

NFC Wild Cards: Washington, St Louis

NFC Champ: Philadelphia

AFC East Champ: New England

AFC South Champ: Indianapolis

AFC North Champ: Baltimore

AFC West Champ: San Diego

AFC Wild Cards: Kansas City, Miami

AFC Champ: New England

Superbowl Champ: New England

Coach of the Year: NE Coach

MVP: LT

Offensive POY: LT

Defensive POY: Deshea Townsend

Offensive ROY: JaMarcus Russel

Defensive ROY: Patrick Willis